I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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