I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
