You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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