So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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