Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
