sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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