He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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