I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
