I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
