I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
