Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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