I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
