He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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