So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize