Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
