Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
