Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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