a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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