First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
