Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
