im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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