weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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