Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
