im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize