There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
