I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We left an ass print on the piano.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
