Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
