I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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