and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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