I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
