Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
