So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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