Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
