im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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