bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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