When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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