If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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