between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
