I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
