I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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