when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
