I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
