Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
