walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize