I just saw a hot homeless man
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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