once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
