hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
