He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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