I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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