Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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