The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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