ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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