Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
