i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
