She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
