Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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