i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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