Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
