just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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