I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
