On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
