My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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