yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
