i can't believe i had my finger in that
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
