Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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