we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
