i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize