I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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