News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize