i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
